Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Someone shit on the floor
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
