he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
