we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
