Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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