Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
i think i just lost a toe
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
there is puke in my bra ... again
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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