SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
