i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
