i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
