it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
