i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
