your thong is hanging out like whoa
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
