its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
