I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
