You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
