did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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