I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I deserve this hangover.
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