...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
