I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
