It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
