did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
