There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
