ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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