his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
