He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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