he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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