My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
