I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
