I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
