Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
