Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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