How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
