New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Drunk walkin through police station. America
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
