So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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