what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
