Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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