Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I need a beard to bite.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
