I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
