The maid of honor just puked.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Randomize
