TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
