1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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