garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
