1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
