i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
