What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
