her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm always down for nudity.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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