You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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