I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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