He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
