So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
