i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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