the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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