I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
