i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Terrible idea I love it
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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